By Sheela Ivlev, MS, OTR/L
May 1, 2020
To anyone that needs to hear these words: It's OK to not be OK.
I am tired of seeing posts titled “How to Stay Positive Every Day” or “Five Easy Steps to Happiness.” They are selling an unrealistic ideal and ignoring the elephant in the room: it is normal to feel sad, empty, and doubtful. We have a full range of emotions, and happiness is one of the many, yet, it is the most advertised (thank you, social media). Constant joy is unrealistic. We just learned to hide the pain behind Instagram filters and Snapchat effects.
This requirement to remain positive and smile more despite the uncertainty and fear surrounding us is a lot to ask of anyone! Seriously, you haven’t failed on the days that you can’t hold it together.
Here are a few reason’s why people might want you to appear happy:
Society tells us that if you’re sad, there’s something wrong with you
People are uncomfortable with the discomfort of others and don’t know how to respond when they see pain
Some are reminded of their own shit when they see your pain
I’m not knocking the power of positivity. The science behind it is real. There are many physiological and psychological benefits of positive thinking and smiling, even when it’s not authentic.
Whatever you are feeling, it is essential to remember that you should be respectful of other people’s emotions as well; do not take your feelings out on others; or demand reciprocity.
If you’re already feeling down, it is harmful to further experience shame, judgment, or guilt because of it. Allowing yourself to feel the emotion you are experiencing can encourage you to heal and get the support you need, instead of forcing or pretending to feel a certain way and ignoring the pain. It’s harder to go through the negative, but necessary for emotional growth, feelings that we work tirelessly to escape, and that’s an effort worth acknowledging.
You are not alone. If you are in distress and need support, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 1–800–273–8255. They are there to listen and offer support and get you the help you need.